Come,
I will take you in a walk
through the pages of my diary.
Here this is the first page that I wrote when I fell,
when I fell in love with you.
Deep and dense.
Raw and intense.
All the hues suddenly turned so bright,
but still I saw the,
dark and sultry red.
Red,
they say is the color of love,
Only they forgot that it’s the color of danger too.
Well nevermind,
we can wrap that as human error.
Be cautious!
For the next coming pages
might overwhelm you,
for there are raw emotions at its best.
For the first time I realized,
words are not enough to express,
for all of it was so ripe and juicy,
warm and cozy,
light and breezy.
There, right there,
take a closer look
Yes! that’s my heart ❤
Remember it
for you might be interested to see
what’s in last pages.
Oops! Beware!
for that’s the bump,
it emerged when we first fought.
You were so mad,
you shouted,
you yelled,
you screamed,
you fought bad,
threw tantrums,
you didn’t even notice,
that it was one of my special day,
you turned that day to an utter grey.
A day on which,
I was supposed to be dazzling of happiness,
I was dulled and drowned in sadness.
Later you came up with just a sorry.
That’s it!
Is that what you are capable of,
Saying sorry and not meaning a letter of it.
Would that sorry bring back that day?
or would it bring back any of the lost days?
As days and days passed,
so were my affection and love
kept piling up into a castle of glass.
Finally after a long wait
we met,
we laughed,
we giggled,
I felt the butterflies in my belly,
and I acted all silly.
Blind and lost,
I couldn’t see the obvious most.
As the moments flew
I thought I would connect more to you,
know more of you,
but you were still at a distance.
I tried to bridge the gap
but I didn’t have your heart map.
So I asked you
to think it all over again
but you were so adamant
and followed the lane.
Blind and deaf
of the emotions
even I didn’t think twice
for this was the first love.
I agreed to walk with you,
a walk to nowhere.
I was so mad for you
I crossed hills and valleys and queue.
You seemed like a distant dream
and I kept following you.
Each day
the castle of glass would appear a new crack
and I tried to fix it with glue,
didn’t even see
your tainted heart,
for you were already
building another castle anew.
Slowly dripping into the
abyss of mixed emotions
when I couldn’t carry it anymore,
I shared it all with you,
scared you were
suddenly you withdrew
and in the following days
you went farther and further away.
Whenevr I’d catch up to you
you would scar me more
accusing me for the things
that I didn’t do
but you made me felt like I did.
You shattered that castle
and blamed it on me.
In the verdict
appeared my name
but what for?
for the crime that you commit!
I was left alone.
Stirred and shaken.
I felt breathless,
I felt numb.
You would appear day and night
in my thoughts,
in my dreams,
24X7.
I called you
I texted you
but never came the reply.
You made me feel unwanted,
guilty,
and what not.
I was thin as paper
hollow as a hole.
Struck by the emptiness and vacancy
I couldn’t differentiate
the dream and the reality,
for both had you,
and you.
Of all my days of existence
this was the time
when getting reminded of you
even my heart
forgot to beat
I felt a blackhole
inside of me,
sucking in everything
that I have and had,
it all seemed an end to me
the sounds fell silent,
vision all blurred,
smell all lost,
taste buds froze,
and I feel no more.
shilpiepil 